At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
