I think I am morally bankrupt
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
