On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize