i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
