dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
