I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
