I faked an abortion last night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
