Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize