First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
