Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
