dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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