My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
