I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
