i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This house was built for laser tag.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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