I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
