Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
