It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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