god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
