my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
