My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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