sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
