I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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