Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
