I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
