You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
