i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I want a musical about memes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
