Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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