No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize