And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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