His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
