and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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