Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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