Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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