and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
