i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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