worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
