$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
