Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
