what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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