Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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