You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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