Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
