My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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