why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
