.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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