I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
