So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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