Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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