yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
