my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
