I wish my penis had an off switch
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
