The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Screwed.edu
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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