just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
