My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
