I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
