I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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