hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
