and my herpes radar will keep us safe
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
