I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
