Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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