I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
