Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
