doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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