I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
