im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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