She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize