So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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