He uses pillows to masturbate.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
