he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize