someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
