i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
