I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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